A Wedding ~ An Anniversary ~ A Journey

One week after our anniversary we will be going to a wedding. The brides colors are my favorites. The setting will be perfect. We were married outside in a small local park. The couple will be married in the groom's parents backyard. It will seem like a renewal of vows for me. As a Bahai we don't have vows (plural) only the phrase, "We will all verily, abide by the Will of God." Anything else we can choose to have said...or not.

The wedding will take place after we have made a journey to the Grand Canyon. Another renewal. My first trip there was with my husband after we were married. For several years we went there during Thanksgiving -- to avoid the massive summer crowds. Now we are retired and I was hoping for a 'spring' experience, but it seems spring is waiting to show up until around June or July.

This anniversary is our 34th. It will have multiple layers of flavors, colors, sounds and feelings. We each remember different moments about our life together and
those events that we remember in unison have the power to resucitate emotions we would rather stay buried.

Concepts of time, and our personalities are changing at about the same rate now.
Blinding speed. That makes every day or week and adventure, but even though we are changing--it is the person, the life together that we remember. Knowing that we
could not have had the same level of comfort and ease, if not for the person sitting next to us at this moment.

Without their patience, forgiveness, acceptance...love, our life would be a sad, short, lonely story.

A Shout-Out for Civility

Good Morning! How are you today? You look very nice today. How can I help you?
You won't find these phrases on tweets, twits, or pagers. For them to be meaningful you need to be in the presence of those to whom you are speaking...(I never thought I would hear myself use the term 'to whom you are speaking'). In order to smile with your face and voice and convey your sincerety of your questions and comments.

If this makes me an old fogey-so be it-but I fear for a society that spends more time concerned with personal entertainment than in any other activity.

We are encapsulated in cars, trains, cubicals or even working from home. We 'talk' to each other through a machine that cannot convey warmth, intent, or inflextion to enhance meaning and emotion. When confronted with a real live human being, we seem to have discarded any intention of being courteous, sensitive, or open to social intercourse--(verbal interaction that allows for intimate conversations).

There are societies, cultures, that do not rely soley or even a little bit on these unnatural means to communicate. They spend several minutes inquiring about your family, your well-being, your opinion before asking what reason moved you to come to their store, or shop. This would make us very uncomfortable, and we would tend to look at their interest with suspicion. Perhaps damaging their efforts at establishing a friendship and hurting their feelings.

It would be good to practice civility if for no other reason, for our children to see that it is a valuable trait and skill that leads to virtues we can role model for each other on a daily basis.

Courtesy, kindness, friendliness, helpfulness, patience, all serve to improve society as a whole. The wise addage- "When you see someone without a smile-give them yours" works for civlity and courtesy too.

One of the keys that have made our marriage work for 34 years--is this-- We always say "Thank you" and acknowledge our partners effort for whatever it is. For every day tasks and chores, dishes, cleaning, cooking, retrieving something from another room...that makes it easier to remember to say it for the big sacrifices as well.

Ok. I'll get off my soapbox--but--it is disconcerting to see the rudeness so wide spread and unchallenged!

Have you ever been 'the only' one in a room among 'others' who were unlike you?
The choices could be - political, religious, racial, nationality, gender --
Depending on your age and experiences, you were uncomfortable or perhaps not so much.

How do we overcome such differences and feelings of isolation in these circumstances?

Attempt to bridge whatever gap appears to exist. We do that by seeing our commonality. We are all human beings. We all have some degree of wanting to be accepted.

Being the only is no reason to become defensive, offensive, withdrawn or anxious.
It is natural to feel that. If we recognize the reason for the feeling, we can take steps to conquer it.

This is an attempt to convince myself that going to my reunion will be positive thing. That I will relax among those who are at opposite poles of my thinking, and beliefs, that I will not attempt to persuade anyone to my way of thinking--but I will share my thoughts with courage--regardless of the response.

Our Dance Lasts a Lifetime

As partners we take turns, spinning away, twirling around, losing our balance and sight of each other.
We stagger back, confused and disoriented, feeling lost and unknown.
Our partner welcomes us and pulls us in, reminds us of all that we have shared.
Slowly we come to our self, the one that first entered the partnership
and add new steps to the dance.
We circle the dancefloor, with grace and rthym, riding on the music in harmony and lightness of being.
Then our partner spins away, twirls around --out of sight for a time-- we wait--patiently for their return.
We know where they went, we have been there ourself. We call to them and reach for their hand.
Disoriented and confused they come back to us, somewhat unknown now, but wait--
Remember the patience and understanding they gave? It's time to give that back now.
Shed light for guidance--when they ask for it-- and take no offense if it is rejected.
If you hold to the memory of dancing with harmony and grace--welcome them back with love.
Remind them of all that you have shared. Tell them how grateful you are for how they taught you the steps to this part of the dance.
Accept the new person they may have become and teach them the steps you remember.